Caught in the Act
The symptoms were there – irregular heartbeat and palpitations, stabbing headaches, poor sleep, and social withdrawal. Then my chronic hip pain flared up from nowhere a couple of days ago and I had to consciously acknowledge I had a problem. I was stressed out but didn't want to figure out the real reason – until I had to face 3+ hours on the rowing machine today. Then it hit me in the face.
You see, it wasn't the igo100 journey that was doing this to me – sure the many things I had to do were playing on my mind (the blog, learning about social media, getting the venue and date, building my support team, gaining media exposure, the physical training, etc) but I was managing okay. And I even have acquired an energetic fundraising "captain" as of last week to help me (I'll introduce you to her very soon)
Nope – it was something else. You see, I have a slight tendency to overload myself (wow – who woulda guessed that?). And sometimes I'll go off on a tangent – I get carried away and go down another rabbit hole and often at the wrong time. Well this time I started spending a lot of time on a "great idea" to start an online business (again) – part of a contest that Tim Ferriss advertised. It was a fun idea, but there is no way that I have the time and energy to work on this and the rest of what's going on in my life.
For a few years now, I have had the dream of being in control of my destiny, totally controlling my own success for a change. It's hard to get that in the corporate world. But I honestly wonder if I have the mind of an entrepreneur – because I never take the plunge. There are good reasons for staying where I am – security, predictability, decent pay, benefits, pension – plus I have a great boss who gives me tons of flexibility. So why do I dabble in this? Why do I waste countless hours starting a business idea and not following through? I've created websites in the past for domain selling, weight loss info, tried an import and distribution business, and more. But I lost interest soon after I started.
Maybe I don't really want to be an entrepreneur. Maybe I just want to feel in control of something. Part of working in a large organization is that your head tends to get sore – either from shaking it or from banging it against the wall. I often get frustrated due to many things that contradict common sense. I am not in control.
Maybe I just need to focus on what I can control.
What can I control?
Actually quite a lot. But not everything.
Ah ha. That's the key – NOT EVERYTHING.
Now to figure out how to come to terms with that glaring reality…holy moly
