I Believe in You
Okay, I knew that the middle part of this journey would be painful, lonely, tough, and tiring. And it is all of that. I'm really tired and discouraged this week.
This past weekend was my first "back-to-back" weekend. I rowed 20 km (12.5 miles) Saturday and then 20 km again on Sunday. Doing this was actually a bit of a relief, since my long row last week was 32 km (20 miles). But the relief won't be for long, because these distances will also increase as I continue training. The back-to-back weekends have a special purpose. Since the body tends to break down after going a certain distance (around 60 km or 37 miles) it's helpful to periodically do two shorter sessions back to back. This will help my body do more mileage and recover faster, plus I'll toughen up mentally by doing the second session when I'm tired. And apparently I need to toughen up more…
On Saturday's row I crashed at just over the half-way mark. My energy completely left my body and I fell off the imaginary balance beam. It was a horrible feeling, and I felt like I was spiralling down into a mental hole…it was from a culmination of doubt, fear, fatigue, discouragement, hormones and stress. I was hoping for a net, anything to stop me from hitting the floor. I struggled to continue and my pace was at a crawl…
Then I thought about the kids.
And in my mind, I looked at their faces and said: "I believe in you".
"I believe in you enough to do this. To put myself out there in front of people, to look foolish, to risk failure, to ask for help, to go beyond anything I've ever done before. I know what it's like to face challenges as a child, to wish that someone would be there and have faith in your potential, to believe in who you are. Well I am not going to give up on you."
I didn't give up. And I won't.
