The Ugly Side of Charity Rowing
I think it's important to share with you some of what I've been experiencing lately. As a regular person who has a job and a family, it's been a long haul – this initiative I've undertaken has been controlling me for 9 months now. My journey has been to train for a 100 km row while raising a huge amount of money, with no experience doing either of these things. I knew when I started this would be difficult.
And lately it's getting even harder. But much of it is my own fault.
Gradually over the past few months, I've been fading. I find myself often losing focus until something smacks me out of the haze I'm in. Here are some of my recent observations:
- I have been careless with what I eat, with too many processed carbs and sugar.
- The processed carbs and sugar cause fatigue and contribute to mood swings, but I still eat the crap.
- I have been eating too much, and have actually gained 5 lbs since February.
- I'm not drinking enough water, but have been really working on this.
- I'm tired most of the time (poor eating and dehydration contribute to this)
- My training has been inconsistent. Although my longer rows are still going as planned, my shorter sessions are not, and they are important too. As a result, my rows have been more painful.
- I haven't been stretching like I should, which increases the pain I get when I row (I have chronic piriformis syndrome)
- I've been going in circles regarding what to do next for the June 19 event. I'm not following through on things that have to be done – I feel too tired and I've been procrastinating. This causes more stress which puts me in circles…rinse and repeat.
- I worry more and feel less positive about the outcome of this.
- I am not enjoying the journey so much anymore, and am really looking forward to it ending.
- I blog less.
- I'm not standing in a position of power. I'm coping.
Becoming aware of these things is good. Accepting responsibility for many of these things is better. There are some items on this list that I can change, and I still have time. I need to be strong.
Today I did 10 km. Tomorrow I will do another 60 km. Bring it on.
8 Comments
Apr 25, 2010 11:18 pm |
Hang in there, Michelle! There's a fair number of folk cheering you on, including a vocal group of rowing brethren and sistren!
Just keep rowing, as Katie Spotz has said.
The biggest boo is in you — Resistance, as Steven Pressfield says in "The War of Art." He makes the interesting point that when the Resistance seems strongest you may well be on the rightest track.
Or as Michael Douglas has said, Do your best, then eff the rest
Apr 26, 2010 2:50 am |
This really hits home! I felt the same things at times in my charity row (which was a much shorter journey than yours). I think this is a very normal part of these endeavors – and just generally in life. It is a valley. And with determination you will crank your way out to the next peak. Hang in there Michelle!!! May your valleys be brief and the peaks be glorious!!!
Apr 26, 2010 6:26 am |
We're all behind you, Michelle! You can do it! I can't even imagine the pressures related to raising the money and training the way you are, but you are truly an inspiration, keep it up! I'm sure you'll find your second (or third, or fourth) wind soon and everything will fall into place.
Apr 26, 2010 7:59 am |
Thanks everyone! You’ve all been helping me immensely through this – @chucktherower, @onemillionmeter, @doccottle. You rock!
It’s amazing how the mental component has been my biggest challenge to overcome. But I will turn this around. Maybe a Part 2 is in order for my next blog – with a powerful spin this time
That was a great idea from Richard (via Facebook)
I feel stronger already!
Apr 26, 2010 1:33 pm |
Although I'm a complete newbie to indoor rowing many of the things you list in your post were the reasons why I could never find the willpower to get my arse into gear and do something about losing weight. The easy option for me would have been to carry on like I was.
The reason I decided to finally do something about it was because of the greater life I will have with my family and particularly with my two children. The things I can't do now with them upset me, but the things I'll be able to do with them excites me. They are what keep me going.
This isn't too different to you and the cause that you are rowing for. For the children you are helping their lives will change in ways that perhaps we cannot even imagine … and I'm sure it will for you too.
Apr 26, 2010 4:11 pm |
Thanks for sharing that, Mark. This is what I need to hear
Michelle
Apr 26, 2010 6:21 pm |
Michelle
It's a long haul – a lot of your symptoms are familiar to me as I get them in my marathon training. As someone wise once said, the hardest part of this adventure is the months of training leading up to June 19. It isn't the 100km, it's being ready for 100km that will kill you.
Every marathon I run, I stand at the start line and replay what got me there. It's a point of pride that I even made it to be in my shoes and shorts with a number on my chest. So many people quit along the way because they didn't have it – the strength to get up every day and do the workout even when they felt crappy, the fortitude to push when it hurt, the stubbornness to get it done when it sucked to do it. For you, too, it's going to be the proudest moment just to sit there on the morning of the 19th and realize what it took to get there.
In the meantime, there's not much to do but soldier on. 60k today? Well, you sucked it up big time.
The journey continues.
Lorne
Apr 26, 2010 8:01 pm |
Thanks Lorne. For some reason I always assumed that you were immune to those things, and that I just wasn’t as strong as you. So it’s good to know that someone as experienced as you still has to push past these challenges.
Yeah, I rocked that 60 km today